In every sense.

Stuffed rows and rows of colorful book spines, of various heights and thickness, bleached by time, ran along the walls in the shelves, looking like they had been there since time began. Some were so curious-looking with the golden letterings of the title half faded, while some gave out the proud impression of being new additions to the family. Most of them were neatly covered with clear plastic film and there were some that looked as if they were given brand new jackets. It was a sight you would wish to see, anyone would wish to see. And the familiar, heavenly smell of yellowed, aged, printed pages filled the air.

The atmosphere then felt just right. Perfect. They would have impressed anyone, even you. The house was, in all its senses, down to the last brick, a home filled to each and every corner with books. Literally. It was my definition of Wonderland, orgasmic in every sense.

Several silent minutes must have passed as I was standing there motionless, still in awe and unbelieving. Bracing myself, I took some brave steps towards the shelf closest to me and I touched the crimson spine of a big book. Ten thousand volts shot up my brain as I ran my fingers down the almost faded silver letters. 'Alice,' I read quietly. God. This was as real as everything else under the sun. 'In Wonderland.'

I promised myself last night,

that I would have fun today - since yesterday was mentally disastrous for me no one needs to read about it.

Now I'm at this Creative Writing Workshop which is held in Penang. I'm currently staying at Hydro Hotel which almost kicked ass but one of the tables in the dining hall was wobbly so it didn't. But it's badass enough. At least the food is. And the room.

OK. Field trip. Today. I brought a pen (borrowed from Hanizah from MRSM Terendak because I had stupidly forgotten mine) and sheets to write on but I guess pictures say more than I ever could with a hundred pens. So here they are!

The English teachers on their way up the bus. That's MRSM Balik Pulau's
bus, if anyone's wondering. I got to sit at the back. Because I like it.

These are the two speakers. The person on the left is Mr Jayakaran
Mukundan, next to him is Mr Alan Maley. These guys are great.

Here's the Teluk Bahang jetty. The smell of the sea - priceless.

This is the crazy cool time capsule at the Pusat
Interpretasi. We get to write notes to the people in 2071.
I wrote mine which sounded like this, 'This is Nani
Othman from year 2011. I hope you guys still have
lush forests and running rivers. I hope there's no
more war, too.'

This is the red bark tree. I don't know what the real
name for it is. The guide guy said it's just called that.
The red bark is used to make dye for batik
painting, which is awesome. And it can be
soaked with fishing nets to make them last
longer, which is also awesome.

I'd call this the Wishing Stairs. I had so badly wished
that they would end soon. I'm really bad at trekking.

Now this, according to the guide, is the most dangerous
tree in the forest. It's called Rengas Kerbau Jalang. The
sap can cause extreme itch and you'll need to be rushed
to the hospital immediately. But you can delay the
damage with mud - which reminds me of the poison
oak in the movie Coraline.

Fish. OMG. Fish.

THIS, PEOPLE, IS THE REASON I put up with the insane jungle trekking
trail. These little packages of miracles just stole my heart away. I even get to
pet one OMG it felt like heaven! They're so fragile yet so strong like -
the moment they leave their eggs they just started living on their own,
so unlike many other animals. They're my heroes.

This is the guide I'm talking about. Name's Aidrul and
he said I look 23. Which makes him one of the most
awesome persons on earth. 'I've been in here many times,
but this is the first time I saw so many butterflies along
the way. That black and blue one you found. saw it today
for the first time. You brought luck.'

And this, is the boat we took the ride back on. The boat I went diCaprio-I'm-
the-King-of-the-World on. THE RIDE WAS RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME!
The greyish green waves were great. Around the rocks they were
pleasantly greener. I didn't get seasick, which was wonderful.
Come to think of it, I never did, so I guess it really was
wonderful.

Man. I really did go diCaprio on it. 

So did I have fun? I definitely did. I made a new friend, Aidrul. I learnt really neat stuff about the jungle. I got to know another side of me I rarely get connected with. I got to appreciate baby turtles OMG, they are just amazing beyond reason! And I got be really close with nature for several hours which was really, really magical. Really, I've had a great time. An incredibly great time. Thank you, God.

Phew. I need to get rested. My eyes are crazy heavy. I'll see you guys around.

Oh.

One day I might return here. 

For the baby turtles, of course.

I was unstoppable.

Back then when I was in high school, I could finish three to four Christopher Pike novels in a day. I was unstoppable. Right now, I actually have to steal some time to read just to maintain my sanity. I wish I could have more reading time. What I have now is not enough. 

There's already a long queue of titles that I need to finish before the year ends so I could start a new list next year. That, people, has never happened before. I had always bought new books because I have nothing else to read. 

I really need more time to hog the books. Or I'll crack.

What have you guys been reading lately? Share with me!

...being ordinary?

'I biase biase je.'

Aku sikit pun tak percaya yang Tuhan pernah mencipta seorang manusia yang biasa. Aku rasa being ordinary tu equals to being bukan manusia. Please lah. Thankful lah sikit Tuhan beri pada engkau akal. That particular thing diberi percuma kepada engkau sudah lebih dari cukup jadi bukti bahawa tidak ada manusia yang ordinary. Pft.

p/s: Kawan aku percaya yang sepasang kasut cantik can be trusted untuk bawa kita ke tempat yang cantik. Aku rasa dia banyak berangan. At this time of life siapa nak pergi ke tempat cantik? Aku nak ke hati yang cantik. Hati yang cantik.

Take good care of your heart.

The first thing about Asmahani Asmat - my best friend in the whole wide world - is that she gives crazy good advice. Any given time for any situation. Most of the times she sounds like she's a hundred years old. The second thing about her is that she's my best friend and I consider myself very lucky to have her around. We might not talk everyday, but if there's anything I can say about our bond - it's permanent and it's ordinarily unbreakable. We're the best of friends. Like the best friends of the world.

I get to be my craziest self when I'm with her without worrying of being judged. I get to talk immense nonsense without having to hide anything. I get to love her all I want without caring if she loves me the same way. I can stop making sense and she would never question my sanity. I get to say stuff I don't dare to say to others (yes, readers, there ARE people I can't just say things to, happy?). And probably the best thing about being with her is that I don't have to behave myself at all. Yeah. I don't have to fulfill anyone's expectations. I get to be selfishly me. Which is something I rarely get to be these days.

I practically trust her with everything, including some secrets I usually share only with my sister. Right. Earlier today, I did spill something right into her lap because I could no longer take the stress. So the third thing about Asmahani is that she doesn't have to say much about anything to make me see sense, even when I hadn't actually spilled every last drop of my problems. I could say she saw right through me. Right through everything I said and told me something no one ever had the nerve to -

Take good care of your heart.

That was all it took and everything just falls into place. Maybe I'd been way off the track by letting my heart make all the decisions that are - amazingly I must say - stupid beyond my massive abilities to comprehend stupidity. And that's like despite the fact that I'm a considerably smart person, almost as smart as my overachieving mother. So I guess telling people to use their brains before acting is so much easier than actually doing it. I wasn't using my brain. That much insanity is not forgiveable, I know. I almost got myself into trouble for letting my heart do most of the thinking.

Take good care of your heart.

The moment I read that was the moment I realized how much I'd been missing her all this time. I miss her wisdom. I miss feeling young and clueless around her. I miss having her say one simple thing and clear up one whole mess. I miss having her save my retarded ass everytime I jump off a hypothetical bridge. I miss having a best friend so close to me I could just walk straight into hell because I know she'd bring me back. Because she always did. And she always will.

She made me realize something else, too. You don't just stop loving a person. You either never did. Or you always will. And that's something you don't learn from just anyone.

For nearly a month, I was lost. I couldn't find a way out of the mess I didn't start. I didn't know who to turn to. I didn't know what to do. Then Hani happened all over again. And my wings are no longer broken. I'm soaring right now. Just the way I used to be.

For this, I have only God to thank. Alhamdulillah for the person named Asmahani Asmat. I love you to pieces, best friend. I hope we'll last forever.